Sexual Preferences:

• These are sexual acts, positions and fantasies that someone prefers to have when engaging in sexual activity. They can take it or leave it however they enjoy it when they do it. This is different than sexual orientation which is one’s identity. Sexual preferences can change over time and one can become more open or closed to certain sexual fantasies, behaviors and acts.

Sexual Behavior:

• Sexual Behavior is any behavior intended to pleasure oneself and/or one’s sexual partner. But the sexual behavior you engage in won’t necessarily reflect your orientation.

Sexual Fantasies:

• Sexual Fantasies are any thoughts and ideas that arouse you. They can be about virtually anything-not just body parts, but clothing and shoes, and even natural objects such as trees and mountains-especially if they remind you of a previous erotic encounter. They can also be romantic-especially for women.

Sexual Identity or Orientation

• Sexual identity or orientation refers to how someone self-identifies, and not how others may categorize them. Some self-identify as heterosexual (straight), gay or lesbian, bi-attractional (bisexual) or questioning (unsure)

• A homosexual is a male or female who understands he or she is sexually attracted to other members of the same gender and may or may not have some romantic interest in them as well, but are not interested or has not yet come out of the closet toward lesbian or gay-identity development. This person may never come out of the closet or may never act on their same sex attractions. This person is not affirmative about their homosexuality, and if he or she does move in that direction, may not build a life around it.

• A gay man or lesbian is a person who is sexually and romantically attracted to other people of the same gender. He or she wants to and does develop their life to support his gay and lesbian identity. While they may start their identity development as self-identified “homosexuals,” they usually move toward a positive and affirmative identity as “gay” or “lesbian”. A gay man or lesbian’s sexual orientation is characterized by lasting aesthetic attraction to, romantic love of, and sexual attraction exclusively and/or primarily for others of the same gender. A gay man and lesbian’s sexual thoughts, fantasies and behavior are often primarily aligned. It’s an identity based on affection, emotional, spiritual, psychological and sexual feelings exclusively or mostly toward members of the same gender.

• A SMSM (straight male who has sex with men) or SWSW (straight female who has sex with women) is a heterosexual male or female who has homo-erotic and same-sex attractions toward members of the same gender and who may or may not act on them. These individuals don’t have romantic interests in members of the same gender whatsoever and are simply seeking sexual release. These men and women usually do not desire or notice other members of the same gender erotically; rather, they are sexually and romantically interested in the opposite sex only.

• A bisexual or biattractional male and female is one who is sexually, emotionally and romantically interested in other men and women. These individuals may have a stronger sexual and/or romantic desire toward one gender or the other, but understands their identity is bisexual and that they could go either way sexually and romantically and feels affirmative about it.

In summary, one’s sexual preference takes into account the desired sexual actions and fantasies with a partner. Sexual orientation encompasses a sexual identity with all the thoughts, feelings, fantasies and emotions that cause us to become sexually excited. The decision for how someone self-identifies whether it be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual or questioning is theirs-not someone else’s.

There is a sexual fluidity to these men and women often. Studying this phenomenon is Lisa Diamond who wrote a book called, Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire . A great Q&A with Lisa Diamond on this topic exists in The Boston Globe.

In summary, one’s sexual preference takes into account the desired sexual actions and fantasies with a partner. Sexual orientation encompasses a sexual identity with all the thoughts, feelings, fantasies and emotions that cause us to become sexually excited. The decision for how someone self-identifies whether it be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual or questioning is theirs-not someone else’s.

(click here for link to original source)